The evening Greg was to pick me up, Ted came over early and refused to leave. He had been drinking and his tears flowed freely. He wished I wouldn’t go. I was steamed. I told him that I’d had enough, that I was sick of his words, words, words. If he wanted to stay and make a fool of himself, go ahead. He left. I went on my trip with Greg and we had a platonic good time. When I returned I found a letter:
It’s Friday evening. You’re gone and I’ve never been so alone in my life. The memory of your face haunts me. The memory of our times together is so fine that the fact that I’ve lost you seems unreal. I’m perfectly stunned. Cigarette upon cigarette does nothing. You’ve left and I can think of nothing but that I love you. I love you now. I loved you in the past. I’ll love you as long as I draw breath and even after…With tears in my eyes, I punish myself. Shaking my head, I can’t believe I have driven you to find someone else. Your smile, your hand in mine, your loving daughter, the three of us together, these memories are the fondest memories I can ever hold. My insensitivity has destroyed everything…I am looking inward as you told me to. I love you. I want you. Forever.